Dance for me child of Satan.

Bonjour,

Funny story...I am at work...just. This morning as I was cycling to work and on Maple Road I saw a bear. It was coming out of my good friend Erica Goodey's house and have a sword in its thigh. Then to my shock I saw a naked Erica run out of her house and tackle the bear to the floor. This was...I have to say was...a big fucking bear. Erica landed on the bear, whose name was Dave according to its collar, and proceeded to grab the hair on the bears head and repeatedly smash it into the floor. With a final crack Dave the bear left this mortal coil. I feel I saw his spirit rise up and float into the clouds.

Unfortunately Erica saw me and began to give chase. I was on her bike Roger but she was closing fast, Dave the bears blood was splattering my back and Erica's breath was hot on my neck. Then out of nowhere, Sierra Nicole Rhoden sprang...yes she sprang and started doing to traditional American 'pants dance' and this sent Erica into a trance. Sierra screamed, 'Go Dom go...I can't pants dance for much longer.' I pedalled as hard as I could. As I turned the corner to safety I saw Sierra's powers fade and the last I saw of my wonderful American saviour was Erica pulling off her head and drop kicking it into the River Thames.

The Jillian Sims came around the corner and shot Erica...quite an anti-climatic ending but please, I beg, this Christmas, give a hug to an American to thank them for the sacrifice Sierra made on behalf of us English against the possessed Scots.

Erica always used to be so nice as well.

It's a sad day

x